By Claire McCarthy, M.D.
DO
Reach out. Sometimes, fear and worry can be paralyzing. We can get so worried about saying the wrong thing that we don’t say anything at all — leaving our friends feeling alone. So, reach out. Send a text, an email, a card, a Facebook message; while talking on the phone or visiting can be helpful, too, it’s often best to let the family schedule the call or visit. Don’t worry so much about what to say; “Thinking of you,” or “I am here to help” are fine.Remember that cancer affects the whole family. Sometimes babysitting other children — or just taking them to do fun things — helps tremendously. Caregivers need support, too — whether it’s a meal, a shoulder to cry on or a gift certificate for a massage; don’t leave them out.
DON’T
Assume you know what the family needs. Every family is different, and you don’t always know what everyone else is doing. Maybe they are drowning in casseroles — but need someone to walk the dog. Offer specific ideas- – but also ask, genuinely, what they would like.